This Months Featured Testimony

Learning to Forgive...

As you all know, anger has driven me for over 30 years now stemming from assaults on my beautiful and precious daughters by their daddy, for several years without their "telling" or my finding out about it until Debbie was in college.

Today in Sunday school, we studied Abraham and Issac, speaking about Abraham's faith and his son's as well. Neither "questioned" their faith in God. Abraham was told to kill his son and he and his son were obedient in following God's instructions!

The lesson led me to speak of faith and trust, and I asked what we are supposed to do when our children are hurt. "How can we forgive that?" I asked. I heard about being obedient to God's word in the Bible, that if we love Jesus Christ and appreciate His dying for our sins, that it is my duty as a Christian to obey and forgive, because it is only through forgiveness of others that we ourselves can be forgiven. Words I have heard over and over again throughout the years when I felt safe enough to discuss those happenings in our lives with others; not many others though.

Debbie has forgiven her father--I have not been able to understand that forgiveness and it has been abhorant to me. I kept telling the Sunday school class, "I cannot forgive those acts." I cannot forgive." I have carried this burden of hatred and anger for over 30 years now, but I cannot and I do not want to forgive." I began to cry.

After class, I went into the restroom and said out loud to Our Father, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" as I sobbed. I said out loud, "I'm going to hell."

I walked into the sanctuary where Pastor Fanning had already begun services. I couldn't sing the songs. I cried more. I kept sniffing and crying. Then Pastor began to speak. He read
Luke 9:23:

"And he said to them all, 'If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me'."

As I sat there, I took my pen out of my purse and wrote the passage down on the church bulletin. '...Let him deny himself....' It made perfect sence to me at that moment. The bad in life is not of God, however, how we react is. We cannot afford to allow hatred and anger to rule us. We must not allow evil to prevail. We must deny ourselves. I can do that! Of course! That makes perfect sense to me!

I have carried hatred for my husband, who dared to take our daughter's innocence from them and tell them not to tell, for over 30 years, and I just found out how to forgive!

Forgiving is not of us in this world. If I am in and of this world, it is easy to hate and to say "No" to forgiving, however, if I am not of this world, but say who I say I am, a Christian; if I say I love Jesus and appreciate his suffering and death for me to take away my sins--forgiving me, then I must deny myself, take up my cross daily, and follow Him!

Those words made perfect sense to me--nothing ever had before and I justified out loud my anger and hatred. I loved Jesus, I loved our Father in Heaven, but I held on to anger and hatred. I was of this world and I allowed Satan to undermine my faith.

For, if I have faith, I am not of this world and I cannot be filled with anger. I cannot hate.

Thank you Father, Thank you Jesus. Thank you precious Holy Spirit for coming to me today in a special way filling my heart with joy and understanding, and filling my mind with a certainity that I am not going to hell.

Until that very moment I had not been able to understand or practice the power of forgiveness. I am grateful. I am blessed. I am new in Christ today. I deny myself, I pick up my cross daily and I follow Him. God bless you and keep you in His love and wisdom. I love you.

(Please feel free to share this statement of faith and love and forgiveness with others.)

Beverly Owen
 

Click here to Listen to the Latest SERMON'S